Magic Is Unpre-dick-table Here
by buckythirteen
Summary: Regina attempts a new spell one night, and it goes incredibly wrong. Emma notices, and decides to help her get rid of it. G!P Regina, implied Regina/Ruby but totally Swan Queen.
1. Chapter 1

It was time for Regina and Emma's bi-monthly meeting to discuss the Sheriff Station's budget. They always held this meeting at Regina's office, sitting at the conference table. Regina would sit at the head, with Emma on her right. It was a habit they'd gotten into.

But this time, Regina couldn't stop fidgeting. Emma noticed it immediately. She would constantly shift in her seat, rearrange her trousers, cross her legs only to immediately uncross them again with a grimace.

"Regina," Emma finally interrupted when she reached to tug at them again, "Are you alright? You look, well, uncomfortable, to say the least."

"I- I'm fine," Regina shrugged. "Just haven't worn these pants in a while - they must have gotten tight on me."

Emma frowned. "That's totally believable," she said sarcastically. "Are you forgetting about my-"

"Superpower? No, I'm not, I just don't want to talk about it."

"Regina," Emma sighed, causing the older woman to glance up. "We're friends now. You can be honest with me."

And it was true. They'd been friends for a few months now; actually getting along. Not to mention Regina had been Emma's magic tutor.

Regina hesitated, then deflated a little, laying the papers in her hands out flat on the table. "Well, Ruby came over last night-"

"Are you about to tell me that you two have STDs?" Emma interrupted again.

"You asked what's wrong, and now I'm going to tell you," Regina said. "At least give me a chance to do that."

It was no secret between Emma and Regina that the latter would sleep with Ruby every now and then. It was a way of letting off steam, and even though Emma was attracted to Regina these days more than ever, she didn't mind it. She was glad someone was satisfying Regina, even if it wasn't her.

"You're right, carry on."

"Ruby came over last night," Regina began again. "And after she left, I was still wearing the uh... strap-on." She whispered the last part, as if someone was eavesdropping. Regina may have been comfortable with sex, but she didn't want anyone else knowing what she got up to in her free time.

"Interesting," Emma nodded, mind miles away now, imagining Regina in nothing _but_ a strap-on. "Go on."

"And I thought, hey. What if I could feel through it?" Emma nodded her interest. "So I was sitting there on my bed, and I decided to try a little spell to see if it would work..."

Emma put two and two together easily. "I can see exactly where this is going. It turned into a real penis, didn't it?"

Regina nodded. "And my pants aren't exactly... _designed_ for such an appendage to be in them. That's the whole problem. Now lets get back to work, please?"

Emma shook her head. "I don't think that's the only problem you're having. You'd probably be a lot more comfortable if you didn't have a boner to go with it."

"What makes you th-"

"Because your pupils are dilated and your breathing gets heavier every time you fidget. You're accidentally enjoying the fidgeting, and with a penis, that only leads to one thing."

"It's been like it since I woke up, it just won't go down - or away at all, for that matter."

"Then there's only one answer - you need to, yknow, release."

"I tried in the shower yet it's still standing to attention," Regina admitted quietly.

Emma was blasted with another image of Regina, in the shower, stroking her- and there's the interruption.

"Miss Mills!" came the assistant's voice through the phone on the desk. "Your two o'clock is here, shall I postpone him?"

Regina went to answer but Emma beat her to it, pressing the response button. "Cancel everything for an hour," she said. "Just shuffle it all around, we're busy here."

"What are you doing?!" Regina said, standing near her desk chair - the bulge at her crotch incredibly prominent.

"Helping you out. Sit down," Emma smirked, giving Regina a nudge closer to the chair.

"Emma-"

"I'm serious, sit down. Maybe you just need a helping hand."

Regina's mouth was opening and closing like a fish, and Emma gave her a gentle shove on the chest - she fell backwards and landed in her swivel chair, and held onto the arm rests. Her legs were a little splayed from the unexpected push, and she watched as Emma came closer.

In truth, she'd been having sex with Ruby to release her frustration about not being able to have sex with Emma. Ruby was kind enough to keep it a secret that she'd sometimes moan the blonde's name - something Regina was ashamed about, not wanting to upset Ruby.

Emma was smiling like the cat that had just cornered the mouse, and Regina gulped. She knew she wanted this - she just didn't know if this was really the time or the place.

"My office - we shouldn't-"

She was cut off by Emma dropping to her knees, and placing her hands on Regina's thighs, gently rubbing.

"Do you want this?" Emma asked sincerely. "You and me - do you want _us_?"

All Regina could do was nod, her hands curling and her fingernails digging into the armrests.

"Then let me do this for you." Emma's voice was soft, and Regina just nodded again, gulping as Emma's hands slid up to the button and zipper on her pinstripe trousers.

Emma's gentle touch slipping over her bulge was different to her own, and she twitched a little. Emma's smile grew wider.

"You're cute when you have an unexpected boner," the blonde commented, causing Regina to gulp again - though that could have something to do with her zipper being undone, and showing that she hadn't worn panties underneath. They just wouldn't fit, so she'd foregone them.

Emma gently tugged the new appendage out of the jeans, unable to stifle the sudden, tiny moan that slipped past her lips. Seeing Regina like this - _with_ this - was incredible.

The woman in question was bright red, her chest heaving at the contact - she'd never realised how sensitive such a thing could be, thought it was probably because she wasn't used to it. She stayed as still as she could as Emma's hand grasped it firmly, and she leant in.

The tip of her tongue brushed the tip of the cock. Regina's hips jumped a little.

Emma decided to go the whole hog - like when you're getting into a cold pool or ocean, what you have to do is dive right in, get used to the cold by immersing yourself in it.

So she wrapped her lips around the top and pushed forward, taking as much as she could into her mouth - and throat.

The moan Regina let out was low, long, and she closed her eyes in bliss and let her head drop back. After a few moments, Emma pulled back - then forward. Then back. Then forward. She would speed up and then slow down, watching Regina's face. One hand remained stroking Regina's thigh, and the other slipped under her shirt, resting on Regina's abdomen. She scraped her nails and, at the same time, took all of Regina's cock into her mouth, right down the the base.

Another low, long moan. It was really like music to her ears - and she could feel herself getting wet. Her jeans felt too tight, all she wanted was to take everything off - but she was busy.

Regina's hands slipped up into Emma's hair, pushing it back and holding her head in place. She rolled her hips, taking control of the situation and pushing herself in and out of Emma's mouth. She watched it; light brown cock slipping in and out of beautiful pale pink lips. Her eyes flitted to Emma's and she knew then that this had to change.

She pushed Emma's head away from her extremity, and leant down whilst pulling her up. She pulled her into a kiss, immediately pushing her tongue out into Emma's mouth. Her cock was practically throbbing at this point, begging for more attention, and she knew just how to sate her need. But their kiss was more important right now - their first. This would _not_ be one to tell the grandkids; how grandma and nanna had their first kiss, after nanna gave grandma a blowjob.

Nevertheless, it was romantic, as romance goes. It may not have been the right situation, but it was by far the right kiss. It was slow, gentle, their tongues pressing against one another's.

Regina broke it, standing up. Emma followed suit, bright red and almost desperate for whatever was going to come next. Regina started to push her classic red leather jacket from her shoulders, and once it was off Emma's hands went to Regina's waist.

They resumed the kiss, this one far more eager, more frantic. They both helped rid Emma of her clothes as they kissed, breathing heavy. Regina quickly and skillfully undid Emma's zipper, pushing the jeans down - and her pink panties along with them. Emma kicked off her shoes, and was finally left only in her socks.

Regina stepped back, admiring her body - it was toned, curved, and Emma's breasts- oh, they were perfect. Absentmindedly, her own hand drifted to her cock, still wet from Emma's mouth, and stroked gently.

Emma took the initiative and stumbled backwards against the glass desk, lifting herself up onto it. It was then Regina looked down, between the blonde's legs.

Emma was never one for totally shaving, and her thick blonde curls showed this - her thick blonde _wet_ curls, Regina noted.

She gulped, stepping between Emma's legs. The latter's left arm came up over her shoulder, pulling Regina closer, while her right dropped down to touch herself, gently rubbing. She wanted to be ready as soon as possible, and Regina watched Emma's fingers while she stroked herself.

Emma's warm wetness dripped down onto the glass surface, and Regina could resist no longer. She replaced Emma's hand with her own, collecting her self-made lube and spreading it on her cock.

Emma moaned this time, and Regina loved it. She needed to hear more of it. So she gently laid Emma back on the cold glass, and kissed her breasts and nipples. She slipped a couple of fingers into Emma, and the blonde whined out a moan.

"I need more than that," She managed to gasp out, both hands now on Regina's shoulders.

It suddenly occurred to Emma that this would be one hell of a position to be caught in - laying back on Regina's desk, stripped down to but not including her socks and necklaces; legs hooked loosely around Regina's waist, with the Mayor leaning over her fully clothed and her cock out.

She wondered if she'd care.

"Regina, please," She whimpered, feeling her thumb rub her clit.

And then Regina leaned right over, pressing their lips together and slipping her cock smoothly into Emma's gorgeous cunt.

Both of them moaned, into each other's mouths. Regina didn't want to hold back, but she did. Just in case - she didn't want to hurt Emma, not even a little bit. So she gently pulled her hips back, forth, back, forth. Her fully-clothed chest pressed against Emma's completely bare one, and she wondered if she might break the desk with their full weight. What a thing to explain to a paramedic. 'Well you see, the Sheriff has glass embedded in her back and ass because I was fucking her on my desk.' What a headline for the Daily Mirror.

Emma broke the kiss and dropped her head back, leaving Regina free to kiss and bite her neck and breasts.

Her hips soon picked up speed, and Emma's moved too, pulling Regina's cock deeper and harder. Her legs wrapped tightly around Regina's waist to keep her in place, her arms holding tight to the Mayor's shoulders, and Regina continued to speed up.

Harder, faster, harder, faster, until the only noises in the office were their breathy moans, gasps, and the sound of Regina's hips slapping against Emma's.

In honesty, Regina was surprised she hadn't come yet. The feeling was delicious; she could feel every tiny part of Emma's cunt, and smiled to herself when her tip started to push against a rough patch - causing Emma's moans to increase in pitch and frequency, which only egged Regina on more.

Emma wasn't sure she'd ever had better sex in her entire life. Regina may have been new to having a cock but she wasn't new to how to use one. Now she could see why Ruby bragged to her about her sexcapades with Regina. The woman really was a master.

And when Regina's arms wrapped around Emma's waist, lifting her up at a new angle and hitting that rough patch even better and harder, she was in sheer bliss - and she felt safe, too. Comforted - loved, even. Regina's embrace was warm, and with the brunette's head resting on Emma's breasts, they fit perfectly together.

"Almost-," Emma gasped, "There-," she cried out again, arching her back more, pushing her breasts upwards and her hips down to meet Regina's.

Regina responded by slamming even harder, rolling her hips in tandem with Emma's, and felt her own orgasm bubbling too.

Emma was first to come. She completely stilled, back not even touching the desk other than at her shoulders, and let out one hell of a moan. There was no way Regina's assistant hadn't heard that. In fact, there was no way anyone in the general vicinity hadn't heard that.

Regina thought she'd be able to pull out in time, she thought she'd have been fine, she thought she'd have been unaffected by Emma's gutteral moan, but she toppled over the edge of orgasm before she could withdraw, and she was balls-deep in Emma when it hit. She, too, stilled, as Emma's back eased down onto the glass. Her hips bucked a little, and she grunted a few times - eyes shut tight, teeth gritted.

She pulled out when she knew she was done, and slumped straight backwards into her chair - where she had a perfect view of Emma's glistening pussy. Emma's hips were shifting slightly with every deep breath she took and exhaled, and Regina rolled her chair closer. She stroked Emma's thighs and then leant in, pressing a gentle kiss to Emma's clit before calmly licking up their mixed juices. It was like no combination she'd ever tasted - no wine, no cider, no meal could compare to this bliss her tastebuds were being granted.

Emma inhaled sharply when Regina had started, and didn't protest. She knew she was spent, that she wouldn't come again for some time now, and she could tell that Regina felt the same - she wasn't eating her out, merely... cleaning her up.

When she found the energy to do so, Emma slowly sat up, her blonde locks falling in front of her face as she looked down at Regina - who also sat back.

"I think your little problem's gone," Emma muttered breathlessly, nodding towards Regina's crotch - where a strap on was resting instead.

Regina sighed in relief and unclasped it, pulling it away from her body. The hips of her trousers were wet with Emma. She knew keeping a spare outfit at the office would come in handy one day.

Regina looked up at Emma, and pulled her face down into a gentle, caring kiss. When she pulled back, she got up on shaky legs and headed for one of her cupboards, retrieving the clean clothes she kept. Emma watched her, silent.

"You, uh," she started, clearing her throat as Regina began to get changed. "You can remember that spell, right?"


	2. Chapter 2

Henry stayed at Regina's the following weekend. So did Emma - but Henry didn't know that.

They had dinner together, played a few rounds of Mario Kart (when they all got a little too competitive, Regina called it quits), then tucked Henry in together. They both gave him a kiss on the forehead, then made their way out. Henry had fallen asleep to the sound of his moms laughing and joking over wine.

When Regina and Emma knew he was asleep (his snoring was a dead giveaway), they finished their drinks and put their glasses in the sink. Regina took hold of Emma's hand, and led her upstairs, deliberately swaying her hips a little more than usual. Once Regina's bedroom door was firmly closed, Emma took a firm grasp of Regina's hips, pulling her close.

Regina was facing away from Emma, and pushed her ass back a little.

"Y'know, you're really the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Emma muttered against Regina's neck, swaying their hips together.

"Hmm..." Regina sighed, enjoying the gentle and intimate contact - and she hated herself a little bit for the question she knew she had to ask, a question that would no doubt ruin the moment. "Did you break up with Hook?" (she did her best to ask it in her most innocent voice).

Emma didn't pause, didn't skip a beat before nodding with her chin on Regina's shoulder. "I'm all yours, babe."

"When do you think we should tell Henry?" Regina asked, Emma's hands drifted up to unbutton Regina's shirt.

"Not yet. I kind of like this whole-" Emma paused to firmly cup Regina's bare breasts, eliciting a gorgeous moan. "Secret affair thing we've got going on."

"Your mother is going to have a fit when she finds out. I can't wait to see it."

"Regina!" Emma laughed. "You guys are on good terms now."

"I should think it'll still be a shock. We have to get Henry to film it, so we have the footage of your mother passing out onto your father, who also passes out."

"Why don't we stop fantasizing about my mom's unconciousness, and do something that I've been fantasizing about all night?"

"Oh, you sure know how to sweet talk a lady," Regina smiled as she turned in Emma's arms and leant up into a firm kiss.

They didn't talk for a couple of minutes, just gently kissing and removing each other's clothes.

When Emma got to her knees, and her hands tugged at Regina's black pencil skirt. It fell to a heap at her feet, and Emma leant back a little when she found what would traditionally be considered mens boxers, instead of the lacy panties she'd expected.

"Babe, I'm not complaining," Emma started, hooking her fingers into the elastic waistband, "But are you still wearing it?" She asked, pressing a kiss to the lump under the boxers. Regina ran her hands through Emma's beautiful hair, nodding slightly. "Can I ask why?" Emma muttered, kissing the bump again.

Regina hesitated, and tilted her head to the side whilst looking down at Emma. "I..." She took a deep breath, and sighed it out a moment later. "I feel more comfortable," She admitted quietly, expecting a negative response from Emma.

The blonde just nodded, letting Regina know that she understood, before finally tugging the boxers down and helping Regina step out of her fallen clothes.

"It doesn't bother you?" Regina asked, as Emma lay her onto the bed, and straddled her thighs.

Emma shook her head, smiling softly. "If you're happy, I'm happy. Whatever makes you comfortable, that makes me comfortable."

"And you don't wanna know why?"

Emma kissed Regina's stomach. "Of course I do - but whenever you're ready to talk about, and I get the feeling that isn't right now."

Regina smiled, eyes shining a little, and cupped Emma's cheek. "Thank you, sweetie."

"For now, I just want you to lay back, relax, and enjoy," Emma winked, leaning over Regina with a predatory smile.

"Oh, if I must," Regina smiled, as Emma leaned further up the bed, resting her weight on top of Regina to kiss her. Regina could feel herself growing hard, and she pushed her hand up into Emma's hair, keeping her in the kiss. Her other hand rested palm down at the very base of Emma's spine, only just touching the curve of her ass. She held Emma close to her, and a feeling swelling up in her chest told her that she never wanted to let go.

Emma broke the kiss only when she knew she really needed breath, and she sat up. She let her knees drift further apart, bringing her lower, and she rubbed her wetness against Regina's cock. She could feel it hardening, and continued to roll her hips, lifting herself up the harder Regina got.

Regina was watching Emma's hips intently, breathing heavily. Her eyelids fluttered every time Emma brushed against her, and eventually she couldn't handle the teasing any longer.

She grasped Emma's thighs, holding her still.

Emma smiled brightly, and looked down as she slid slowly onto Regina's beautiful cock. She was _just_ about to let out one hell of a moan when Regina sat up quickly, muffling it.

When Emma was settled quite comfortably, Regina pulled back. "We don't wanna wake Henry now, do we?" She whispered.

"You know I'm a bit of a screamer; you got something to solve that problem?"

Regina tilted her head, gesturing off the side of the bed. Emma leant down, pushing Regina back onto the bed. She moaned at the change in position, and swiped her underwear off the floor.

Regina took hold, Pushing the crotch into Emma's mouth and tying the hips of them behind Emma's head. She then took grasp of Emma's wrists so that she wouldn't have a chance to remove it.

"Who knew you'd look so hot with your own panties in your mouth?" Regina whispered, peppering kisses across Emma's breasts, forcing the latter to lean back a little uncomfortably.

The brunette thrust her hips - and Emma rolled her eyes. Back into her head, that is. She moaned into the makeshift gag.

Regina sat up straight, freeing Emma from the painful position and, as a pair, they moved together. They didn't take their eyes off each other, and it was by far the most romantic of sexual encounters they'd had so far in their relationship - even if that had only been about a week long.

Something about their consistent, repetitive movements made it loving; caring.

Regina picked up her pace, and Emma began to lift her hips and drop them back down again. She upped the tempo and force of her hips, causing Regina's nails to dig into her forearms.

"This isn't right," Regina gasped out, letting go of Emma's hands and tugging the gag off. "I don't give a shit if we wake Henry, I have to hear you - I have to _kiss_ you."

Emma took the opportunity gratefully, pushing her tongue into Regina's mouth. Even their kiss was in sync with their hips, and they both felt like they never wanted to stop.

So they didn't.

Not until they'd both come at least four times. _At least_.

And so when they were laying there, cuddled up naked, Regina's additional appendage turned back into a strap on and discarded on the floor, she looked at Emma, with her head on her shoulder.

"When I was a little girl - young, really young," she began with a sigh, now staring up at the ceiling. She felt Emma turning her head to listen. "I wanted to be a boy. It looked so much better - so much easier. Boys didn't have the same issues girls did, the same weight on their shoulders. And not only that... It just felt right. I never got the opportunity to dress like a boy or act like one... I just knew in my heart that I wasn't what I should be. The only time I felt like I was truly myself, was when I was riding horses."

Emma kissed her collarbone, sensing there was something else Regina wasn't saying, and urging her to continue.

Regina took another breath, preparing herself to express something she'd never been able to before.

"With this spell, this opportunity... I feel right. It's not a boy I want to be; I just want to be me. And I don't think _me_ is strictly a woman or a man," she finally sighed out, closing her eyes.

Emma just continued to kiss Regina's throat and shoulder, then nuzzled her nose into the crook of her neck.

"Is this your way of telling me that you'd like to make that one change permanent?" She felt Regina nod. "Then do it. Like I said, Regina. If you're happy, I'm happy. I like you for you. So you ought to be the you who you really are."

Regina was quiet, and Emma wondered if she was okay, until she felt a teardrop roll onto her forehead. "Regina?" Emma said, sitting up and looking down at her gir-. Partner. Her partner.

"Oh, Regina," She sighed, gently wiping away more tears. "Those are happy tears, right?" Regina just nodded. "Oh, babe..."

Emma pressed a gentle kiss to Regina's forehead. Her hand was resting just past Regina's hairline, and Emma's thumb stroked a little - a trick she'd learned calmed Henry.

"Is there anything you want to change?" Emma asked. "The way you're referred to, your name..."

Regina shook her head. "I like everything the way it is, I just know something is different with me," She muttered.

Emma nodded, kissing Regina's head again. "You wanna get some sleep?"


End file.
